Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
