dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
