Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
