I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
