Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
