At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
