If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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