Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
