just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
