youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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