we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
