So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
