we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
