if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
