My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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