he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
