I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
