just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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