I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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