remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
