I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize