Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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