Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
