I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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