when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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