Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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