New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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