my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
