so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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