My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet he comes in French.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize