Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
