i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
