so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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