dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
