Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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