I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
