Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
