so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
