Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
