Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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