I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
