she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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