At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
