listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Never underestimate the power of titties
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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