i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
