I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
