Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize