I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
