Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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