There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
