the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
