i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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