My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
