could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
