Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
