your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
