shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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