Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You are the jesus of drinking
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
