wrigley field is MILF paradise
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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