I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
