Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
