Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
