Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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