You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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