I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize